If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
