Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
