I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
