Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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