It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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