did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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