I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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