she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
