I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
