she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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