Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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