wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
