So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
