So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
