so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
