I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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