i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
