are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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