so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
