If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
