Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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