Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Couch. On fire.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
