piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
