i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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