I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
