Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
