I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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