dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
