he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
