final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
