You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
