just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
