turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize