If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
