in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
