I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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