Duck Duck Cougar?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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