put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
