Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
