oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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