I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize