Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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