Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
