i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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