Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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