evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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