I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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