I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
