If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
