The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
