You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
