1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
