what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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