just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
