you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
