Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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