p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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