You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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