i already hear my dad disowning me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
