i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize