dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
