you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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