I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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