I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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