why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
