Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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