Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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