I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
