UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
