That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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