We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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